Many people going through change and transition feel themselves pulled in opposite directions, a sensation that is both normal…and uncomfortable. We love the people we work with (Direction A), but we have grown bored and tired with our work and want to move on (Direction B). We’ve built a life and routine around our work (Direction A), but feel that there is something more for us to be doing with our time and talent (Direction B). We are ready to stop working full time (Direction A), but we gain a lot of satisfaction from our job, our income and our title (Direction B.)
So…we are pulled one way and then the other – sometimes within the same day, hour or even minute. As I said: it’s not the most comfortable place to be! And, given our natural inclination toward fight, flight or freeze, we generally respond to this discomfort with some version of escape: we want to get back to our comfort zone, so we deny the pull and stay put. Or, we move past it as fast as possible, creating a new comfort zone without the paradox of “this-versus-that?” Or, perhaps worst of all, we ignore, make a change anyway and find ourselves wondering what we’ve done.
It might feel something like this: 
But, what if there was another option? What if you could use this pull in opposite directions to discover and design beautiful movement? What if you moved forward, or chose not to, from a place of creation and curiosity, rather than reaction or fear?
In dance, there is a concept called “oppositional pull” that is also somewhat uncomfortable (and takes time to learn) but results in movement that is stable, balanced, expressive and fluid. And, who wouldn’t want their life transitions to have those very characteristics?
Oppositional pull is a way of using the entire body to create a feeling of length and stretch (and here’s the important part!”)without tensing or gripping the muscles. (Flashcardmachine.com/modern terminology) It is used in dance to provide stability and equilibrium (Dance Words/book) and creates greater extensions. (Contemporary-Dance.org)
Here’s a fantastic example of oppositional pull in practice:
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Part of the source of the beauty, strength and grace of this movement is the oppositional pull between the dancer’s left foot and hand, as well as the extension that is created through the stretch between her two hands. She is occupying the space in the midst of the pull between these points, resulting in an engaging, expressive and yet relaxed stretch. Seeing this still image makes me wonder both where she has been and where she might be headed.
How does this translate to those of us in transition? Well, like dancers, the only way for us to become skilled in using opposing forces is to practice! So, I ask you: how can you gain practice in experiencing the tension between the two, three, four or more directions you feel pulled? What can you do to enable yourself to feel more comfortable (and thus more skilled) in the midst of these seemingly conflicting ideas and energy? How can you remain stable and occupy the space (like this dancer) in between these many directions?
Here are some ideas:
- Mindfulness and meditation teach us how to be where we are and enable us to become more aware of the machinations of our minds. Focusing on a point of focus (like the breath) and continually bringing our minds back to our breath has an incredible impact on our ability to experience where we are right now. You might check out an app I recently discovered called Inscape: https://www.inscape.life/. This tool has short, guided meditations with different objectives. Try “instant stress relief,” or “energetic morning,” for example. Another great resource is Susan Piver’s Open Heart Project (https://susanpiver.com/open-heart-project/) which includes short introductions of meditation-related concepts, followed by 10 minute silent meditations with instruction. She’s great at reminding us that it’s normal for our minds to wander and that there is no right or wrong way to meditate!
- Jotting down your thoughts and ideas, pros and cons, what if’s and why not’s can be a helpful practice for discovering what the various ideas and options before you are telling you. Lately, I’ve been using journals with writing prompts, such as Start Where You Are: A Journal for Self-Exploration (https://www.amazon.com/Start-Where-You-Are-Self-Exploration/dp/0399174826) and have found it very insightful.
- Draw, paint, create! By engaging our right brains, we can gain access to ideas and information that might not necessarily be available to our logical, rational, lock-step ways of thinking. Try something creative that you enjoy and see what comes up. In addition to this enabling you to “be” in the space between, it can also be a lot of fun. Try a wine-and-painting class, a cooking class at a local store or restaurant or a ceramics class at the community college. All of these are ways to not only engage your brain in a different way, but an opportunity to connect with others and have a great time!
- Do something physical that you enjoy. Yoga, Pilates, hiking, walking, biking…these are all ways of being with ourselves in a physical sense that support being with ourselves psychologically. And, by stretching ourselves physically, we encourage stretching ourselves mentally, emotionally and psychologically.If physicality isn’t your thing or doesn’t come naturally to you, start small. You might: try a few minutes of a yoga video at home, find a walking buddy to explore new neighborhoods or try out a weeklong pass for your gym.
- Explore! The thing about opposing forces (like a tug-of-war) is that the pull is not static – it is often more one way than the other, moving back and forth. You can do the same thing. Stay awhile in Direction A and let Direction B go for a while. Then, try out something that might be a part of Direction B (volunteering your time, taking an afternoon off to read, trying out a new sport or activity) for a bit. Let the opposing forces move to-and-fro, to see what emerges.
In closing, whatever steps you might take to increase your comfort amidst seemingly conflicting options, know that this is not a linear process. Just as a dancer doesn’t generally dance in a straight line (even in line dancing!), transition does not happen in a step-by-step fashion. And, as we grow more comfortable with the stretch between the many options that face us, we begin to create graceful, fluid, engaging and exciting movement. That is the dance of transition.